Everyone always says when one door closes, a new one opens, but what if a new door opened before I was ready to close the last? Sometimes I think a new door opens so we can close the old one. I didn't think I was even ready to close the old door, I wasn't even thinking about it, but a new door is unlocked and this time it's my choice if I want to open it, and I think I need to. I need to take a chance and close the old door behind me. Just becuase I close the door doesn't mean I will never see it open agian. But right now it just needs to be closed for a while. And this new door may be the greatest door I opened or it may end up to be a mistake, but I will never know unless I open it first. I need to take this risk.
I want a summer love. Someone to just hangout with all day, someone to laugh with. I wanna summer love so we can walk around downtown together eating ice cream. I wanna summer love so we can go on picnics together. I want to be able to have someone to just be myself with this summer. I just want a boyfriend for the summer, but not just for the summer, yes I want a summer love but lets make it last longer than summer, or let's not, just take it day by day. "Live life in the moment, because everything else is uncertain."
This summer I'm taking risks. I'm done worrying about everything, and what will happen in the furture. This summer I'm living life in the moment, because the future is uncertain. I'm going to go up to some guy this summer and do the dumb call me maybe thing, worst thing that'll happen is he doesn't call me, I'm going to hangout with my friends, and not worry what people think of me. This summer I don't care if people think I'm one of the trouble maker kids walking down the street, think what you want, they don't know me! This summer I'm doing things that I normally wouldn't do. Some of the things I may do, might seem like nothing compared to what some kids do, but that doesn't mean they're not crazy to me. Now not in the stupid YOLO way, but seriously here's to life only happening once, i only have one life, so here's to living it the way I want becuase if I do, living once is enough. Here's to being a different me this summer, one who doesn't care and just lives in the moment and dances around downtown, like no one's watching, or singing like no one can hear me, here's to embarasing myself. Here's to a summer of me taking risks with my bestfriends, and knowing they're worth it, it may turn out bad later, but in the moment they'll be worth it. And i'm not talking about doing drugs , drinking , or getting pregnant, I'm saying like small little things that even if they don't turn out right, they won't have a huge impact on my life, but that's what taking risks is about. So here's to a summer of fun, a summer of laughs , a summer of friends, even a summer of tears. So here's to a summer of taking risks.
I watched them as they walked across the stage, sat there as people I knew walked by, now ready to take on the world, even my bestfriend's brother. I sat there, talking to my friend saying next year that's gonna be you, and almost crying thinking about it. Next year i'll be playing that song for her, as I watch her walk acrosss that stage, most likely crying. Will I see her after that? I sat there watching everyone walk by, smiles, tears and all, thinking about what it's gonna be like when I'm walking across that stage. Taking on the world. I have no idea what i wanna do with my life, and the truth is I'm scared. I'm scared to be out on my own, and I know that my bestfriend and I share the same feelings about living alone so we're already planning on living together, but it's still the fact of not living at home anymore, without my parents. I always wanted to grow up, but this past school year went by so fast, I'm scared. I want to be carefree, I want to be worryfree, I want life without drama, I just want to be young again.
What are you supposed to do when your bestfriend finds a boyfriend? One she wants to always be with? One that always wants to be with her. Not that it's a bad thing, and i'm super happy for her, but I get a little jealous. When I see how cute they are together, I think, why can't I find that too. I want that too. I wanna be held in someone's arms, walk around downtown with, hand in hand. Someone who its nice just to spend time with. I wanna be kissed out of the blue, and most of all I just want someone who I can be myself around, someone who likes me for me. And I want a real relationship, one where we don't we don't always have to be with each other to know it still means something. I want a guy that can be friends with my friends and will hangout with us, but also knows when i need my girl time, and he's ok with that. I want to find this guy, but i'm starting to think he doesn't exist. Someday hopefully, soon I hope, I'll find someone like this.
Just becuase you have a boyfriend now doesn't mean you can blow me off. I know you're supposed to spend time with him but please don't forget about me. Don't act like we're not that close becuase you and I both know we're pretty much inseperable. Even today our other friend said, "well i guess we won't be hanging out with her this summer." and it's not that, that bugs me , it's the fact that, me and you, we're bestfriends and we do everything together and laugh at the stupidest things, and just a few months ago, we were calling him names and talking crap about this guy becuse he hurt you, but now he's changed. But I will be there if things go bad, I will be your shoulder to cry on, I'll be the one that is there to help you through it, I'll be here, I just hope you're gonna have time for me still. But even if you don't whenever you need me I'm here, I just hope I can say the same for me.
