I sit and think about him a lot. I stare at him when I see him. I look at how happy he is with her and think why couldn't that be me? That should be me? That was supposed to be me!

Is it ironic that last night after I posted about dreaming about him I went to bed and, yes, had an amazing dream, which of course included him. This one was probably one of the cutest ones yet, and now once agian, I had to face the reality that it's not going to come true. I know that there's not going to be a mistletoe hanging there and I know you're not going to pull me to it and tell me that you feel the same way I do, but I can dream, but that's all it was, a dream. A dream that once again won't come true. You won't take me by the hand and run down the halls with me and escape the world together, you'll just continue to pretend like I don't exist, even when I know you know I do, and I'll continue to pretend like nothing is even wrong when I see you, and I'll just continue to have these amazing dreams about you. Dreams that'll never come true.

I really wish I could stop having amazing dreams that include you, becuase when I wake up I have to face the sad reality that they were only dreams...I wake up and realize it was only a dream, that didn't really happen and most likely, never will. As much as I try to move on and forget about you, something about you always comes up. Every once in a while when I actually go a day without really thinking about you, I dream about you and I fall right back for you. I wish things would have worked out differently than they did, but they didn't and I guess for as much as I wish I could, I can't change the way things are. This is why I wish I could stop dreaming about you, not because I don't care anymore, but because I do. I want to stop dreaming about you, so maybe you could pop into my mind less, and maybe, just maybe, I could stop thinking about you for just a little while, and then maybe I wouldn't feel the way I do. I just wish everything didn't have to change. One day things were ok, and the next they weren't. In my dreams everything is still ok, actually, everything is perfect, and that's why I want them to stop, they keep giving me false hope of wonderful things that aren't real and probably never will be.

I wish I could stop.

 

I wish I could stop thinking about you.  I wish I could stop crying over you.  I wish I could stop caring about you.  I wish I could stop dreaming about you.  I wish I could just stop liking you... I shouldn't even feel this way, but I do.  I thought it would have gotten easier by now, and I guess it slowly is, but I wish it would get better faster.  The past two months I've just felt so sad somedays, I feel so alone like no one's there to help me.  I wish you were there, but then agian, if you were, I don't think I'd be having these feelings.  Sometimes I just wish you would hold me in your arms and tell me everything is ok, but you won't, we don't even talk anymore.  I'm hoping, more like praying, things will get easier soon, but until then I'll continue to hide how I feel, while you go around being happy and not knowing anything, so therefore not caring at all about me.